Family Reunion

So, I have a rather large family. And yes, I know so many of us that do. But my family is special. Because they’re mine.

And this family that I inherited, this loud, opinionated, judgmental, enormous family that I inherited (and yeah, they’re stuck with me too; I get it) — is planning a family reunion. Finally. This rather gargantuan event is being planned for next summer, and I am so looking forward to watching this progress, because for one thing, it’s already proving highly entertaining.

Right now we’re in the initial stages of the operation. Emails looping everyone we have an email address for and who happens to be related to us in some way into the conversation, are flying back and forth. Some of the ideas presented are quite sensible and heartfelt; but mostly, it’s just a lot of our male relatives talking that shit that they talk.

But at least they (more or less) do it out in the open. The ladies, not so much.


One of my cousins, cousin 1, we’ll call this person, even went as far as labeling the members of the planning committee — yes, that’s right (and we’re going to vote them in) — the FEOs. Family Event Organizers. Or, as I like to call them, Fucking Emissaries of Optimism. ‘Cause it’s gonna take a whole lot of that to get this thing accomplished. And they’re badasses for volunteering, by the way, just so we’re clear.

But I gotta say, reading these emails is at once the most fascinating case study on the idiosyncrasies of my family, and a jolly, albeit rather disturbing glimpse into what makes them tick. Definitely a learning experience.

What’s not to love?

Cousin 2 disses cousin 3; cousin 3 hits back…it’s just so typical. Almost endearing, ‘cause it’s so familiar.


Yet another cousin, we’ll call him 4, (anyone who has a family full of Lebanese people understands that the amount of cousins we have is infinite) waxed poetic about how we should leave our egos at the door…then proceeded to thank everyone for agreeing with him in closing.

Ok. Disclaimer time. I love my family. I do. I wish them all good things. But it’s family, man. It’s kinda a prerequisite of being a member of a family that you will annoy the fuck out of each other. Often.

Or maybe that’s just me. Either way, it is what it is. So, I hope we can get our shit together and plan a truly spectacular event.

So far, so fun.


P.S. April 15, 2017

By the way, we never did have that large-scale everyone flying in from all across the globe family reunion last summer. We had more of a mini reunion, where one aunt, a cousin, and his family came to visit for a while. Better than nothing — and it was SO good to see them and be with family for a spell — but I knew that shit was never going to happen. Cheers!