Just Tryna Figure It Out

Someone said to me recently that I had it figured out. That they were the ones who needed to figure out what I had apparently, already figured out.

Clearly this person doesn’t know me too well. I’ve been noted on record as saying that I’m just trying to figure it out like everybody else.  Like, I always say that.

I think the person who thinks I have it figured out was speaking, specifically, about the fact that I’ve been blessed with a family.

Someone that I’ve been with for damn near 20 years. And we built this beautiful connection that, although sometimes feels broken beyond repair — we’ve been working on consistently for what feels like forever.

And those two beautiful blessings born of that connection…?  Man.

I also had a friend who texted me recently that he and his girlfriend of what also feels like forever had broken up.

You know how we all have those social media (and real life) options into how we sort our friends?  Well this dude got sorted into the “’lil bruhs” house.


I was sad to hear about this breakup — I really like his girl. So much so that he suggested that I had the hots for her.

And I’m like — “if I liked girls that way then I would’ve just been with them that way.  I love girls.  I just don’t love girls.”

Again – anyway.

So yeah, she’s cool people and the thing is I kept at him to not fuck it up.  I asked why they broke up. He gave me the best reason one can give in this type of situation — they were both unhappy.

Other stuff, too — but that is, of course, the main reason.  These kids don’t know ish about commitment.  But what do I know?  I’m almost (not quite, thanks) in a whole other decade than them.

I mean, that’s what we thought about folks that were older than us when we were barely 30.  We think we’re so clever.

Meanwhile, the world watches as Rome burns.

The truth is, sustaining a relationship that began in college as you prepare to enter the fourth decade of your life while raising the two beautiful blessings your love brought forth into the world — in these crazy ass times — is a challenge, man.

It’s a motherfucking challenge and anyone that tells you different is lying.

This shit is hard, but it’s more than worth the effort.  It’s family, and that’s literally everything.

But not everyone wants to put in the hard work — at least not until they find the one who’s worth it.  And even then — good luck.

But if you can manage to get through the rough patches, eventually clarity will come.

But what do I know? I’m just trying to figure it out, like everybody else…